It would be nice to have met a man who was completely unattached, single, or divorced. But love can give us unexpected things, and here we are. A man you are dating is divorced, has just left his marriage, but is not yet legally divorcing. You should be aware that he might be sleeping with multiple women, particularly if he wants to live his separation apart from a monogamous marriage. When they have been released from their marriage vows, many men will be quick to get on the field.
If you value exclusivity with your man, let him know and ensure that you are on the same page. He might also return to his wife. He might feel guilty for leaving his children or making them move between two homes. He might realize that being single isn’t what he expected. When he realizes how costly it is to divorce, how much it will cost to support the children, or find another home, he may decide to go back. These are some ways to navigate this complicated and frustrating situation.
It is very different to date a man who is newly separated from his wife than one who has just moved in, established his new home, and is waiting for the final judgement of his divorce. This is not a good situation and you should be careful about pursuing a relationship with him. He could choose to return to his wife and start over. He could make the same decision. He may still be emotionally attached to his ex and not available to form a relationship with you. You may still find him fragile and angry. You may be treated as a rebound partner. These situations are not fair, so you should be careful about continuing to live with someone who is just separated.
Your security will be greater if you have been separated from your man for at least six month. He should have started the divorce process and established his own household. He should have worked on himself, preferably with a therapist to help him process the end of his marriage.
There are professionals who can help your guy through this difficult time. It is possible to believe that you are there for your guy, that you feel needed and that this will help him see you as a great match. You will be constantly being consoled and listening to him if you create this therapeutic environment.
It is important to communicate from the beginning that you are not interested in discussing his difficult life. He can’t complain about his ex, or how awful she was. This should not be part your new relationship. It is important to set boundaries.